Category Archives: The future

Do we ever know?

Excuse this delayed post. It happened at the time by hard drive crashed and the fixers at an unnamed repair store were serving me in a smug way. So I forgot about the incident until a recent visit to the Johnson & Johnson — a friend’s boat (no relation to anyone with money, just mold).

While cruising in the Great South Bay, Isabella jumped off the boat into a very strong current. To be fair, the captain had already jumped in the water for some reason. You never question the captain, especially this one. To test the current? To cool off? To take a whiz? He did say that Isabella should not jump in, though she was poised with a properly-fitting vest on the dive deck or whatever it’s called. I definitely said not to jump. And it happened — she jumped. Several people screamed. And then I jumped.

Isabella and I were quickly swept away by the current. The boat was not as close as I would have liked. It was still light out, so that was good. At some point, though it was later, my husband jumped in the water. Because he is about twice my size, he was taken by the current much more quickly, rendering him useless in his effort to join us in the water. (On a positive note, the water was lovely.) Someone on the boat threw us a rope with nothing attached to it. Swimming back to the boat was not an an option. Eventually someone on the boat (probably a woman) drove the boat and picked us up.

Of course, Isabella had no clue that she caused several adults to become quite frightened. The captain and the first mate (his wife, my BFF) were unusually quite — until he asked what was going to happen to Isabella? No one had ever asked me that question. I had asked myself the question often, but hearing it from a friend who knew me for a very long time was different.

I don’t know what’s going to happen. Do we ever?

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Maybe we did a good job

When you have a child who is not developing at the same rate as her peers, you worry about the future. Really, you worry about all of your children. I see many of my friends’ grown children living at home. Some have graduated from college and have gainful employment, even careers. Others are, well, lost. We really can’t predict who will get out of the house and who won’t — for our neurotypical kids. For our “different” kids, we definitely know. And as they age, we know for sure. So we worry. We consult with attorneys. We look into state programs (and become horrified). We come up with a plan…or at least think about a plan.

While out for brunch on a Sunday with our two girls, Isabella asked Victoria about college and moving away. I commented that Isabella would miss her. This happens now when Victoria sleeps at friends homes or goes away for weekends. Isabella is not quite right. Victoria dismissed my comment by pointing out that college was only for 4 years. And after college (or I was thinking, when we’re dead)? Victoria replied, “Isabella will live with me.” I was at a loss. We had never, ever discussed Isabella’s future with our other children. Victoria cooly replied, “I decided that when I was 9,” and took another bite of her eggs Benedict.